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  Minnesota Multi-Species Fishing Tournaments Forum  Wright County Fishing Club  Joke of the Day...
 Re: Joke of the Day
 
 9/25/2008 9:57:02 PM
robbo
366 posts
3rd


Re: Joke of the Day
 (United States)
QuoteReply
=========================================
> The  blonde and her  thermos:
>
> A blonde was  shopping at B and Q, and came across a shiny  silver thermos
> flask. She was quite fascinated  by it, so she picked it up and took it to the 
> shop assistant to ask what it  was.
>
> The assistant said, 'Why,  that's a thermos flask .. it keeps hot things 
> hot, and cold things cold.'
>
> 'Wow,  said the blonde, 'that's amazing ... I'm going  to buy it!' So she
> bought the thermos flask and  took it to work the next day.
> =0  A
> Her boss saw it on her desk. 'What's that?'  he asked.
>
> 'Why, that's a thermos  flask. it keeps hot things hot and cold things 
> cold,'
> she replied.
>
> Her  boss inquired, 'What do you have in  it?'
>
> The blond replied .. 'Two ice  lollies and some  coffee.'
 9/30/2008 6:58:51 PM
robbo
366 posts
3rd


Re: Joke of the Day
 (United States)
QuoteReply
Investment tips for 2008
With all the turmoil in the market today and the collapse of Lehman Bros and Acquisition of Merrill Lynch by Bank of America this might be some good advice. For all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks.

Watch for these consolidations in later this year:

1.) Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W R. Grace Co. Will merge and become:
Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.

2.) Polygram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers join forces and become:
Poly, Warner Cracker.

3.) 3M will merge with Goodyear and become:
MMMGood.

4. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and become:
ZipAudiDoDa .

5. FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become:
FedUP.

6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become:
Fairwell Honeychild.

7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become:
PouponPants.

8. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become:
Knott NOW!

And finally...

9. Victoria 's Secret and Smith &Wesson will merge under the new name:
TittyTittyBangBang 


 
 10/11/2008 11:43:22 PM
robbo
366 posts
3rd


Re: Joke of the Day
 (United States)
QuoteReply


Leave it to kids!

THE WEDDING NIGHT


Fred and Mary get married but couldn't  afford a honeymoon,

so they go back to Fred's Mom and Dad's house for their first night together. 


In the morning, 

Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. 


As he is  going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and       Mary are  up yet. 


She replies, 'No'. 


Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?' 


His  mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think! 

Just go to school.'


Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom,

'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'


She replies, 'No.'


Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?' 


His mom replies, 'Never mind what  you think!

Eat your lunch and go back  to school '


After school, Johnny comes home and asks again,

'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'


His mom says, 'No.' 


He asks, 'Do you know what I think?' 


His mom replies,   'Ok, now tell me what you think?'


He says: 'Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think...


I gave him my airplane glue.

 

 11/12/2008 5:17:42 PM
robbo
366 posts
3rd


Re: Joke of the Day
 (United States)
QuoteReply
 Ole  and Sven die in a snowmobiling accident, drunker than skunks, and go  to
> Hell.
>
> The Devil observes that they are really enjoying  themselves.
>
> He says to them 'Doesn't the heat and smoke  bother you?
>
> Ole replies, 'Vell, ya know, ve're from  nordern Minnesooota, da land of
> Snow an ice, an ve're yust  happy fer a chance ta varm up a little bit,  ya
> know.'
>
> The devil decides that these two aren't  miserable enough and turns up the
> heat even more. When he  returns to the room of the two guys from
> Minnesota , the  devil finds them in light jackets and hats, grilling
> Walleye  and drinking beer.
>
> The devil is astonished and exclaims,  'Everyone down here is in abject
> misery, and you two seem to  be enjoying yourselves?'
>
> Sven replies, 'Vell, ya know, ve  don't git too much varm veather up dere
> At da Falls, so ve've yust  got ta haff a fish fry vhen da veather's  dis
> nice.'
>
> The devil is absolutely furious. He can  hardly see straight. Finally he
> comes up with the  answer.
> The two guys love the heat because they have been  cold all their lives.
> The devil decides to turn all the heat off in  Hell. The next morning, the
> temperature is 60 below zero,  icicles are hanging everywhere, and people
> Are shivering so  bad that they are unable to wail, moan or gnash their 
> teeth.
>
>
> The devil smiles and heads for the room with  Ole and Sven. He gets
> there and finds them back in their  parkas, bomber hats, and mittens. They
> Are jumping up and  down, cheering, yelling and screaming like mad men.
>
> The  devil is dumbfounded, 'I don't understand, when I turn up the  heat
> you're happy. Now its freezing cold and you're still  happy. What is wrong
> with you two?'
>
> They both  look at the devil in surprise and say, 'Vell, don't ya know,  if
> hell iss froze over, dat must mean da Vikings von da Super  Bowl.
>
>
>

> ____________________________________
>
>
>
>
>
 11/27/2008 8:47:14 AM
robbo
366 posts
3rd


Re: Joke of the Day
 (United States)
QuoteReply


                                                                                                    The Parrot
            A young man named John received a parrot as an early Christmas  gift.
            The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.
                 Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.


John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by
consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and
anything else he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.
Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot.
The parrot yelled back.

John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder.
John, in desperation, threw up his hands, grabbed the
bird and shoved him in the freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.
Then suddenly there was total quiet. 
Not a peep was heard for over a minute.
 Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot,
John quickly opened the door to the freezer.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched
arms and said 'I believe I may have offended you
with my rude language and actions.
I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions
and I fully intend to do everything I can to
correct my rude and unforgivable behavior.'

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.
As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a
dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued....
 ........"May I inquire as to what the turkey did?'

~ Happy Thanksgiving to all ~

 
 

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